Thoughts about death

Death is such a scary thought. It's so devastating and permanent to know that someone who is there one day and gone the next. I'm really lucky that no one really close to me has ever died. Sure a great grandmother or a grandmother but they weren't close to me. Death is something I think about evrey or almost every day. I hope that life is about some kind of cosmic balance you know? Like when something dies another is born and it might not be in the same form as a human and I'm not sure if I literally mean life and death. Maybe when you lose someone (to death or otherwise) you start over in a little way, like you get a chance to grow or something. When someone leaves your life another person enters it, that kind of thing. I am probably not making too much sense right now but I am trying. And I think that is all we can ever really do is try.. Yoda was wrong when he said "There is no try, only do." I really do believe that trying something is important and that life is too short to count out options. Options are just doorways that humans tend to close and I am really sorry about rambling, but Chris' death and Pandah's reaction to it has really got me thinking.


Balance is a really comforting word to me, because it suggests that everything will be okay, you know? and that maybe there is some kind of divine power out there that cares about us, and that is an amazing thought. I think that human beings naturally need love, and that's exactly what makes us so complicated. Without needing love, acceptance, and validation I don't think there would be very much to a human, we would all be boring. Life seems to be (at least for me) a series of searches. I constantly find myself searching for something that I love or for some kind of uniqueness or special quality that I have. I mean of course these searches only occur when I sit down at the computer or wherever and separate myself from school, my work, and everything to really give myself time to think. A lot of the time thinking scares the crap out of me because I don't want to explore the bad in me because I am very comfortable being (for the most part) good. I guess life comes full circle and back to that archetype, the other (I think the shadow is also another name for it) .The other is the part of the self that you don't want to admit is there. Like how there is good and evil in all of us and that we have to accept that we aren't purely good or evil. Now I think that I am done rambling today
XOXO
Sarah,
Ps. Have a happy Halloween everyone!

random ramblage.

Today I feel like rejection. Today just hasn’t been too terribly fun. Granted I am in high school but still, is was less fun than usual. I don’t know. Sometimes I can’t help but feel like I am fading into the background and instead of living I am just watching everyone else’s lives like a television show. Like I am already dead or something, like a soul sent back from death who’s purpose is to find out how other people live…I dunno maybe I am insane.

On a lighter note I did a bitchin’ contact print in photography.. Well it was really my second choice because I COULDNOT get a good test strip done for my other picture. It made me cry L, well not really. The picture was amazing it was of CHAINS and they were amazing.. I dunno.. The picture wasn’t too terribly amazing but the experience of just walking around my neighborhood and getting strange angles of things was awesome. Not to mention I found a forest ^_^ well it is more like a group of trees behind a ditch but it is so serene. If I could live there I would. I just love it. It’s the most romantic, breath-taking thing I have ever seen. I’ll take a picture of it and put it here sometime!

Days off and photography.

I love having days off. They are the best thing since sliced cheese. Yeah for some reason the “powers that be” of the school boards decided we get a weekend in the middle of the week. Days like this make me feel like there is hope for the world. All the world really needs is more days off, fuck recycling. I really do believe that if the Iraqis who are in the middle of that civil war took like a couple days off they’d come to their senses and just divide up the land evenly. OH and then America would have no reason to be their, and the war would be over. Then again a break over a couple of days could just give each side time to stew and they could come back twice as hard and then we would still have a reason to be there. Aww man…
In the beginning of the year I thought I would hate my stupid Photography class but it turns out that photography might be something that I would like to do for the rest of my life. I love developing film and I absolutely adore the dark room, besides all of the crappy smelling chemicals. The only trouble I have now is that when I am getting ready to make a print I can never ever get my film straight, so the picture comes out all stupid and crooked. Things like that make me cry XD.
Anyway, I realized something as I reread my fist post that was that I didn’t tell you much about me. Except that my name is Sarah and I obviously am insecure. Anyway a little more about me is that I am a fairly insane high school student who doesn’t take very much in the world seriously. I think that is because I actually pay attention to things that are going on in the world and if I took all of it as seriously as I should I would probably kill myself. Comedy is my defense mechanism for sure. I love comedians like Sarah Silverman and Kathy Griffin and I hate ones like Larry the Cable guy and Carlos Mencia (they rely too much on one joke).

Anyway that is my spiel for now. I’ve decided that I am going to start putting pictures that I do in photography up here, once I get the hang of making straight prints that is XD.

And so it begins.

Hello everyone!
My name is Sarah and I started this blog to find my voice and to share it with you. I know it sounds cheesy but all my life I have felt like I have been living in the shadows of someone else. I feel like this blog is my chance to break out of the mold I’ve stuffed myself into for so many years. I know it sounds crazy that I am using the internet for reflection but I think it will be awesome. =) I have faith

I remember when I used to be openly creative and I miss that about myself. It’s like years and years of essay writing and mathematics have caught up with me and here I am, without any original thought left in my brain. I’ve pretty much secured myself a future in a 9-5 office job in some corporation that doesn’t really care about me, but the money. I am a horrible cynic sometimes but that’s okay. Without my cynicism I don’t know what I’d do. Actually I’d probably be a happier person if I were an optimist.

On a completely different note (Sorry I am in a random mood todayJ) I hate feeling like writing is a chore. I don’t think any type of writing should ever feel like a chore especially if it is for recreation or creative. Writing is pretty amazing, I must say, although I am far from being a writing guru, as some of you English nerds can plainly see (MS word for the win). Writing via exploring the depths of a person’s mind is my favorite kind. I mean the exploration can come out in so many ways, you know? Like a poem, a short story or –if you are me- a blog.

I am going to try and keep this one short so that you do not have to sit here and read thousands of words about nothing. Thank you to whoever is reading this right now, I really appreciate it and I hope you keep reading my blogs to come. For now I remain a stranger behind a computer screen, soon I hope to talk to each one of you and hopefully become your friend. Well I guess that’s all that is in my brain for right now.
Until next time <3
XOXO
Sarah