Thoughts about death

Death is such a scary thought. It's so devastating and permanent to know that someone who is there one day and gone the next. I'm really lucky that no one really close to me has ever died. Sure a great grandmother or a grandmother but they weren't close to me. Death is something I think about evrey or almost every day. I hope that life is about some kind of cosmic balance you know? Like when something dies another is born and it might not be in the same form as a human and I'm not sure if I literally mean life and death. Maybe when you lose someone (to death or otherwise) you start over in a little way, like you get a chance to grow or something. When someone leaves your life another person enters it, that kind of thing. I am probably not making too much sense right now but I am trying. And I think that is all we can ever really do is try.. Yoda was wrong when he said "There is no try, only do." I really do believe that trying something is important and that life is too short to count out options. Options are just doorways that humans tend to close and I am really sorry about rambling, but Chris' death and Pandah's reaction to it has really got me thinking.


Balance is a really comforting word to me, because it suggests that everything will be okay, you know? and that maybe there is some kind of divine power out there that cares about us, and that is an amazing thought. I think that human beings naturally need love, and that's exactly what makes us so complicated. Without needing love, acceptance, and validation I don't think there would be very much to a human, we would all be boring. Life seems to be (at least for me) a series of searches. I constantly find myself searching for something that I love or for some kind of uniqueness or special quality that I have. I mean of course these searches only occur when I sit down at the computer or wherever and separate myself from school, my work, and everything to really give myself time to think. A lot of the time thinking scares the crap out of me because I don't want to explore the bad in me because I am very comfortable being (for the most part) good. I guess life comes full circle and back to that archetype, the other (I think the shadow is also another name for it) .The other is the part of the self that you don't want to admit is there. Like how there is good and evil in all of us and that we have to accept that we aren't purely good or evil. Now I think that I am done rambling today
XOXO
Sarah,
Ps. Have a happy Halloween everyone!